Make A Deal

Every day we navigate the needs of other people and find ways to seek mutual benefit. This is the most basic aspect of our social behaviour and it crops up very early in human development. From early infancy we are trading off our own needs against the interests and boundaries set by other people and there is nothing wrong with this at all. It makes the world go ‘round.

What is surprising though is how seldom we look inward with that same deal-making mindset. Maybe you feel like a single coherent entity who is bound by a single will and therefore does not need to make deals with itself. Maybe everything that you decide for yourself ends up happening: the diet has no cheat dates, the exercise plan stays regular, you never overindulge or rage, let alone fall into an addiction. Maybe. But if so you are in a rare and wonderful position.

What is much more common is to go through life struggling against your own behaviour, against that one last blowout meal or that first drink (that somehow always leads to five more).

Often our behaviour is so bad that we don’t even trust ourselves to be the kind of people who COULD make deals, we don’t trust that we will quit or abstain or stay calm. We have seen the excuses too many times, we have lost faith. After all, no one knows how inconstant and untrustworthy we are better than ourselves. Each of us has a lifetime of evidence built up to prove that nothing is going to get better.

That may all be true but its missing a crucial part of the picture. We CAN make good on our deals with ourselves if they are honest and they are small enough. ‘Small enough’ is the key here, because you may not be able to quit today. ‘Today’ might be a bigger bite right now than you can chew. But maybe you can hold out for five minutes, and if five minutes is easy, maybe you can hold out for ten.

If your taxes are a mess maybe you can’t clear them up today but you might be able to get a list of local accountants, and if that small achievement energises you then maybe you can even give one of them a call. Go as tiny as you need to to ACTUALLY follow through, and then next time you will have some progress under your belt, ready to take another step.